1. A census taker in a rural Indian village went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.
She said, ‘Lets see now, there’s the twins, Ballu and Lallu, they’re eighteen. And the twins, Seeta and Geeta, they’re sixteen. And the twins, Ram and Shyam, they’re fourteen.’
‘Hold on!’ said the census taker, ‘Did you get twins every time?’
The woman answered, ‘Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn’t get anything!
2. Santa Singh, Banta Singh, and Ghanta Singh escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Santa, ‘Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!’
Santa jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away… Santa slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
‘C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!’ say the firemen to the Banta. ‘Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!’ says Banta. ‘No! We like you! Just jump!’
‘OK’ says Santa and jumps.
SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and he’s flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, Ghanta steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell ‘Jump! You have to jump!’
‘No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!’ yelled Ghanta.
‘No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!’
‘Look,’ Ghanta Singh says, ‘nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it…’
3. Gullu Bhai was sitting on his porch, when this man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.
‘What can I do for you?’ Gullu politely asked. ‘Are you selling something?’
‘No, sir, I’m not. I’m a Census Taker.’
‘A Census Taker. We’re trying to find out how many people there are in India.’
‘You’re wasting your time here. I have no idea.’
4. Newlyweds Santa Singh and Jaspinder were on their honeymoon trip and were driving down in their car to Chandigarh from their little town in Punjab.
They are nearing Chandigarh when Santa Singh puts his hand on Jaspinder’s knee. Giggling, Jaspinder says shyly, ‘Oye Santaji, you can go farther than that if you want toâ€¦’
So Santa Singh drives to Shimla.
5. Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. ‘Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!’
‘But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.’
‘Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.’
‘Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!’
‘Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.’
‘Give me two reasons why I should go to school.’
‘Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!’
6. Ghanta Singh was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a telephone call. Ghanta had just bought another large beer and he didn’t want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote a little sign and left it by his beer that said: ‘I spit in my beer.’
When Ghanta Singh returned to the his bar stool there was another note beside his beer:
‘I spit in your beer too!’
7.Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?’ the suspicious wife sneered.
‘No, I can’t,’ the husband replied. ‘I distinctly remember taking my shirt off.’
8. Three professors had walked down to the train station from the University. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn’t hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart.
After a desperate rush two of them manage to scramble onboard. The third looked sad and a passing railway official said, ‘Don’t feel bad, atleast two out of three of you made it.’
‘Trueâ€¦’, sighed the professor, ‘But the other two were only here to see me off!’
9.Santa and Banta Singh rob a bank and mess it up, managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor. And they take one sack each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, ‘What did you find in your sack?’
‘Ten lakh Rupees!’
‘Wow… that’s a lot! What did you do with the cash?’
‘I bought a house. How about your sack?’
‘Bah… it was full of bills.’
‘And what did you do with them?’
‘Eh, well… little by little, I’m paying them off…